Why Bea Why?
by Gem6
Summary: Short John POV. What made him the way he is? Lets take a look at a tramatic event way back in history..... One of 6 possibly


Not many people know about my past, only Jack Meadows and Claire Stanton

Claire Stanton

Claire

My best friend Claire

What do I say about her? Apart from the fact I adore her, yes, I am capable of love.

Dear sweet Beatrice showed me how, she was the making and destroying of my character, we were twenty three, madly in love and due to marry.

Bea was the sweetest most gentle soul I've ever met other than Claire.

But then she became sick, nothing worked soon she turned against herself and me.

We had terrible rows, things were said that I regret bitterly. At first it was just the little things, like being excessively happy then incredibly sad.

We both thought it was the stress of the wedding, little did we both know how serious it would be.

It soon progressed into something serious, the mood swings became so regular I took Bea to the doctors.

The doc diagnosed Manic Depression, prescribing a cocktail of drugs.

Bea insisted that the wedding went ahead and of course what Bea wanted Bea always got.

We had everything planned right down to the last detail, white rose button holes for the men and red rose button holes for the important ladies.

We had white gold rings with the words _'My Love For You Is Never Ending'_ engraved into the inside, Bea was completely taken with the way I had them inscribed without her knowing.

She was the reason I joined the force, Bea gave me the reason to believe I could make a difference.

Bea believed in me and I completely believed in her- she never gave me any reason to doubt her, I believed, we both believed she'd get better but she didn't she got worse.

The day of our wedding dawned clear and bright, it was going to be a perfect day, nothing could spoilt it for anyone- it was the 1st May.

Bea was up bright and early, she brought me coffee in bed and a good morning kiss, a sweet kiss, I would have savoured it for longer had I known what was going to happen.

Getting up around nine I headed to the bathroom as always in the morning to have my shower, opening the door I found her………….

My sweet sweet Bea had hung herself, dressed in her wedding dress on our big day. My girl was dead.

It was meant to be the happiest day of our lives now I had to cancel everything, ring people, tell the vicar, call the coroner, explain that Bea was dead.

_Gone_

No more kisses, no more hearing Bea's voice when I got in from work.

That day will haunt me forever, I'll never forget opening the door to see my fiancé hanging there in her wedding dress, her neck broken, her eyes closed like she was asleep.

There were letters but I couldn't bring myself to read them, how I managed to phone anyone I'll never know, I couldn't believe it just a few hours ago I'd kissed my girl good morning now she was dead.

Days passed in a blur word got round at work, I withdrew from everything, that was the turning point in which I changed into the aggressive man you see today, suspects felt my wrath, my anger, why me, I know Bea was sick but why could she have told me, we'd have got though it somehow.

I'd have done anything for her, I loved her so much and I still do, Bea was my first love and they say you never forget your first love.

* * *

Bea taught me so much about myself, she gave me the courage to believe that anything is possible which is why I'm writing this down, I think I just need to make sense of my world, why I'm so messed up, I guess what happened to Bea has made me take each day as it comes, and never keep secrets from Claire, Claire means the world to me, she knows everything I've written here, and the many other things I want to write down.

I know Bea would want me to be happy, for her, she couldn't be happy in this life I just hope she's happy now, I know Bea would want me to give Claire her ring so I have, it doesn't mean me and Claire are going to get married or anything like that, its just a symbol of my love for her, blessed by Bea.

Of course I'll never forget Bea, I have her to thank for everything, for driving me to become the best copper I can for making me admit how much I love Claire, for sending Claire to find me, all the times I've run away to hide.

Claire makes me face things rather than run away and I truly believe Bea's watching over both of us.

Bea, I'll never stop loving you, you were the first person to capture my heart and soul, the day you left you took part of my heart with you, I truly hope you're at peace now

* * *

Let me know what you think, I must be missing writing J & C as I've had the urge to write some dark stuff, look out for more in this mini series- As always for Storm Wolf xx 


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